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It seems like I don't write anything of major importance, in fact nothing seems really important anymore. I, like most people, suffer the mental lapses of a mind going on it's way to being senile. I'm going to be 25 this month...five years from 30. Scary. I can still pass for an 18 year old or maybe an immature 21 year old. It does not change the fact that I am constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for time to sneak up on me, realizing all the things I could have done but chose not to. I feel like I'm at a critical junture, and that i'll just have to "wing" it.
I have no plans, why? because nothing ever turns out like I think it should, and if it does...whats the catch? When does fate pop up from some corner to kick me in the proverbial scrotum, as the audience laughs at my misfortune? I've been "punked" too many times, but yet I can laugh about it. Somehow, if I just tell myself that it'll be okay, and not to worry, everything will turn out just fine. That is what I call my excuse from taking responsibility for my failures.
I look back on all the nonsence I've collected over the years. I try to figure out what the hell I was ever talking about. I still don't know, but I continue for that ever aspiring urge to pass on some common knowlege; that maybe one unfortunate can use it for their own journey. God knows, my journey is a long and lonely trek, but at least the scenery is nice
There is a ticking clock, all of us hear it, most of us ignore it. It is the disdainful "tok" of life winding down to the final outcome. I look over everything and ask my self, what the fu** was I thinking??Maybe I thought I was right, but then I realize I was full of sh** the whole damn time. As a refugee of ignorance, I sometimes find myself becoming the thing I never wanted to be.
It was never as bad as I made it out to be.
Some people think that the world will end in 2012. If it does, well what can you do about it? I personally, will continue doing what I do, but with a new purpose. I can't say for sure what it is, it's still in the embryo stage of thought. The thought was conceived long ago, but has now been able to grow. Soon, I must reveal it, I have a deadline. I hope that when the end comes, everyone has made peace with the things in their life. I will forgive my enemies and hope that they forgive me. I will see the love of my life and share it with others. I will tell my family, husband and friends that I love them. I will cherish and keep in mind the small miracles of nature's beauty. I will care for the friends that I will never meet, and be an invisible support. I will acknowledge that there is no control and to accept the flow of change.
If the world ends, I hope that everyone will accomplish what they need to do before getting "punked."