Nothing like the in between waiting from work to school.
I sit and do nothing...my little art studio has been invaded by fleas and therefore stall my latest painting project.
I've done some sketches cause i dont wanna get too lazy...but damn...i need energy and coke is too expensive...

i am so fucking bored...nothing to do...whats the point of even waking up?
another year come and almost gone, and still i'm stuck in a cycle of neverending repetition days.
Nothing interesting, just waiting for time to finally run out.

bought more shoes, even though i have about 50 pairs...just as much as i have in the amount of pants.
Good thing i dont have kids...i would not be able to be so selfish.

God forbid i have something to take my attention off of myself...there's nothing wrong with being self absorbed so long as it's just you yourself and no one else suffers for it.

I really need something to do...and i need to see some new sights.....

It has been awhile...i'm almost done with work.

I work at the Humane Society...cleaning kennels and playing with all the little critters.
It's hard work..but very rewarding.
My art has slowed down quite a bit...i've been working on a small painting for this whole time..but the good news...it's gonna be a really hot naked cat girl with stars on her butt.
It's my second painting..so please be kind..but honest
I get a month off before i start school....so i'll have a little time to focus on my personal art.
however...it will still be a month till i can post anything new.
I will say..my naked chicks have improved alot...and hopefully it only gets better.

I also got a pet orange cremecicle cornsnake, his name is Squee I also have another cat, he is a 3 year old scottish fold mixed with flame point siamese, his name is Gumby(one ear folds down, the other is up)

i have been so busy...but i can't wait...i'm going to a Slipknot concert this week...yay.

well...other than..it's the usual crap..so until then...bye bye...

I wanted to say something very important.
This summer has been hard, but for my fiancee, it is even harder. Just about 2 weeks ago, his father commited suicide. I will not go into further details.
The mental illness took over and he ended it. We don't really think about the way our actions will affect those left behind...it's like a domino effect, one small push and everything topples over.
Every where I turn there is death, and this tragedy was so close to home. Everyone here blames themselves in some way, the truth is that the blame can go on but it wont change the fact that the person is gone.
The hardest hit was my fiancee, the changes in his mood and demeanor are noticeable. I see him in pain, but all I can do is be there and hope in time he will get better. What can you say?
I cry with him because I did get to know his father and when he was feeling ok...he was a cool dude. He was a christian who did accept anyone, despite whatever you were. He treated me like a daughter and he understood my weird sense of humor.
To hear the news is a blow, and no words can describe the hurt and confusion.
Suicide is a selfish act, because even though you think no one will care...you will always leave someone behind who will blame themselves and hurt. To leave the pieces that no one can put back together.
There is little comfort in knowing that now he no longer suffers the pain of living with demons of the mind.
The one who now suffers those demons, is my future husband. He has nightmares about his father's death and he has been drinking more than usual. .
I don't want to see him destroy himself over events he had no control of.
Suicide is a blame game that no can apologise for, it changes everything and touches all those who saw or knew about it.
There is alot of guilt and it's undrstandable. There are also scarred people who witnessed his death and tried to save his father.
I have thought about suicide a few times and so have a lot of others. Now I get to see the pain thats left behind, and those that love you will carry that for the rest of their lives.
It's cruel to pass your pain and emptiness to those who did not know.
No matter how bad it gets there is always a way to find help, even if it's just a prayer.
If you have something wrong with your head...get help. Unless you want others to suffer, find a way to fight it.
If you know someone who is suffering mentally, don't push them away. They can use the help, even if it's just a sympathetic ear or stopping to say hello. We don't know what we could have done, but at least try. Compassion and love can save a life hanging by a thread.
The sickness of the mind can be worse than any cancer and the only escape they can ususally find is the release of death.
My work has stalled and hopefully i can start up soon...but right now there is so much undone that it seems like nothing will ever be finished.
I ask that you please pray for those lost to suicide and especially for those left behind.
It does not matter what you believe in or what religion.
Please take a moment to remember those who took their own lives.

now...i'm finally gone for a few months...have a nice summer everyone( i will be back)